• User AvatarMiriam McKenzie
  • 04 Jul, 2022
  • 2 Mins Read

“Self Talk”. How’s yours?

“The view you adopt for yourself profoundly affects the way you lead your life. It can determine whether you become the person you want to be and whether you accomplish the things you value”. Dweck, C . Mindset: The Psychology of Success. Ballentine Books, New York. 2006.

How’s your self-talk these days? Self-talk determines how we view ourselves, and if we speak negatively to ourselves (in our heads), it can have a significant impact on how or if we achieve the goals we have set for ourselves. Overwhelm, feelings of failure, and anxiety can lead to depression if we don’t change how we think of ourselves. Easier said than done? Maybe.

The first step is awareness, awareness of how we are feeling, and how we speak internally about ourselves. The next step is learning strategies to stop our negative thinking in its tracks. Then, reversing the situation to more positive thoughts and self-speak. Sometimes writing things down helps, speaking to someone who knows how to listen well is also extremely helpful. People who listen well won’t tell you what to do, won’t tell you to stop being silly or something similar, won’t change the subject by talking about themselves and their issues, and also won’t be negative or derogatory towards your situation. These are the key things you need to look for when identifying someone who is a good listener. Learning new strategies for how you should speak to yourself, especially if you feel like you aren’t succeeding in work/relationships/life in general are a real game-changer for how you move through the world. There are some great books out there to help. Apart from Carol Dweck, Karen Nimmo, a New Zealand clinical psychologist’s book titled Busy As F*ck (Harper Collins, 2019), is excellent.

How about your values? Have you figured out what your top 3 values are? This exercise alone can produce pretty amazing results in how you lead your life. You automatically become more focused and less likely to self-sabotage your own success. Self-sabotage — now there’s a topic! Mark Manson’s book The Subtle Art Of Not Giving a F#$% (HarperCollins, USA. 2016), is outstanding. The title is nothing like what you could possibly think, it’s all about finding your values to live your life by.

There is a short and easy quiz to help you figure out whether you have a fixed mindset or a growth mindset, according to Carol Dweck, that can help you with reaching your goals or increase your levels of achievement. In the meantime here is a link to her TED talk.


Or, just pop onto Say It Clearly and view the course Find Your Voice, Find Your Words.

Arohanui, Miriam.